


Memories of Pain

by nursal1060



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Altered Mental States, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Post X-Men: First Class (2011), Character Study, Charles Xavier in a Wheelchair, Cherik - Freeform, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Lehnsherr Loves Charles Xavier, Erik is a Sweetheart, Erik learns of Charles' past, Graphic Description, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Memories, Mental Anguish, Mental Breakdown, Mental Link, Mental connection, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Protective Erik, Triggers, X-Men: First Class References, painful memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:23:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nursal1060/pseuds/nursal1060
Summary: While helping a child through memories of abuse, Charles suddenly remembers his own past. Erik comes to the mansion to help and Charles lets him into his memories to see what he's gone through.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Kudos: 40





	Memories of Pain

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written Cherik in a LONG time, so I decided to while exploring the topic of Charles' past abuse. I feel like the movies do a good job of touching on Erik's past and why he's so vengeful, but they don't touch on why Charles is so anti-violence. So I decided to have Erik learn Charles' perspective.
> 
> If you leave comments/kudos, you are a wonderful person and I love you <3

It was supposed to have been a normal day at the Xavier School. Classes were going by as normal and Charles was helping students with their power training in the courtyard. He had only opened the school and been its headmaster for a short time, but Charles was well loved by the children and had a connection with every one of them.

Raven, who had been back for only a day at this point, came to fetch him from the courtyard, “Emergency intake, you're needed in the office.” Charles dismissed himself and followed Raven through the hallway on his wheelchair.

Charles asked, “I thought Hank and Logan are on intake at this time?”

Raven sighed, saying, “This case is different. I don't think they can...help like you can.” Raven’s evasiveness wasn't anything or of the ordinary, but Charles was concerned by his sudden need to be present for a normal intake evaluation.

Raven opened the office door and said softly, “Hank, he's here.” Charles wheeled himself in and saw Logan standing beside and Hank kneeling next to a child. The child was young, probably no older than 7, and was wrapped with bandages all over. They held a stuffed toy in their arms and looked disheveled, as though he hadn’t had a shower in weeks.

Logan motioned for Charles to come closer. Hank filled him in, “This kid’s been brought to us by his family member. They wanted him to get help with his powers and to get him away from his parents. We can't get him to speak, and we need a baseline to go off of if we need to treat him.”

Charles nodded and addressed the child, “My name is Charles Xavier. I'm sorry you're not feeling well. Do you mind if I look inside your mind to help you?” The child, who no one could tell if they were a boy or girl, looked at Charles with wide, puffy eyes. Nodding, Charles pressed his fingers to his forehead and entered the child’s mind.

Charles had seen and heard a lot from his students. He'd seen natural and man made disasters, self harm, mutant hunters, pretty much everything. What always hurt him was seeing memories of child abuse. And this child definitely suffered horrific child abuse. As Charles combed through the child’s thoughts, the sadder he became, especially when the sight of the abuse began to mirror his own.

Trembling, he pulled out of their mind and said, “Psychiatric evaluation and physical exam...I-I need a minute. Please excuse me.” Charles wheeled himself away to his room, connected to the office by a door. He grasped his chest and started breathing hard.

Of all the abuse he'd seen and heard about, this child’s experience looked exactly like his own. He'd pushed the feelings and memories into the deep recesses of his mind and they were all suddenly coming back. It was sending him into a panic attack.

He could hear Raven’s voice approaching his door and knocking. He then heard the door open.

“-rles? Charles? Charles!!” He could feel her arm on his shoulder along with Logan’s voice, but he heard nothing more as he slipped out of consciousness.

~~~

Erik arrived that evening, taking an emergency flight to the mansion in the cover of the darkness. It was his goal to be seen by as few people as possible, as he and Charles had a falling out before the school was established. Erik had crippled Charles and he knew that many of the younger mutants hated him for that.

Raven escorted him inside, taking a lesser crowded hallway. “He collapsed a few hours ago and no one can get into his mind to see what’s wrong. We’ve had other telepaths try, it’s no use...it’s like he blocked all of us out mentally.”

Erik asked as he followed hastily, “So how do you think I’ll be helpful if no one else with actual psychic abilities can wake him?”

Raven sighed and said, “You know he still cares deeply about you, he always has. If anyone should be there with him, it’s you, Erik.” She opened the office door and then the inner door to Charles’ room. Hank had been sitting with Charles all day after he’d been moved to his bed. 

Hank filled Erik in and added, “-every so often, he’ll tense up and scream. We don’t know what he’s seeing...but it’s got to be bad to completely shut him down like this.”

Erik sighed and shed his coat, taking a seat besides Charles, “Got it...I’ll be here overnight. Though I think he’d be happier if I wasn’t here.” Erik’s face showed his guilt rather clearly, but he had to put it aside. Once Raven and Hank left the room, Erik lay besides Charles and watched his muscles and face tense up every so often, trembling like he was terrified. 

Erik moved a lock of hair from Charles’ face and asked aloud, “What are you seeing Charles?” 

Erik must’ve closed his eyes for mere seconds before opening them and realizing something wasn’t the same. For one, Charles was no longer in the bed besides him. The walls and decor also looked newer, showing less signs of use and wear. Hesitant, Erik stood up and left the room, taking note as the office too looked very different. 

He could hear sobs down the hall, and he followed them, as the voice sounded familiar. Erik came across a bedroom where he saw what looked like a little Charles, probably no older than 6 years old, and an older boy with red hair, perhaps 11 years old. He could hear the boy berating the little Charles before punching him in the face and causing him to wince in pain. Charles winced before he was struck again, this time blood came out of his nose. Erik tensed up, walking in to separate the two, but realized that his hands went right through the children without them reacting to his presence. All he could do was stand there, helpless, as the little Charles got beaten and bruised in front of him, stuck in a vision that he couldn’t affect. 

Finally, the two children vanished and he could hear another voice coming from elsewhere in the mansion. Erik followed the noise, terrified that it would be Charles getting hurt again. He ran into the kitchen and saw a man, older than him, and a woman, who looked a little bit like Raven, along with a young Charles again. The man was screaming while towering over the woman, who was cowering on the ground and holding the young Charles. Erik saw a few wine bottles on the ground but looked back at the three only to witness the woman getting slapped. He heard young Charles beg him to stop hurting his mom, causing the man to pull Charles away from his mom and hit him instead. The woman shrieked in horror as the man hit her son. Erik flinched as he heard Charles cry out and then get thrown to the ground so the man could focus back on his mother. The sight sickened Erik, now understanding why Charles did his best to be patient and never raise his hand against anyone.

The vision faded again and he could hear something else. With his stomach twisted into knots, Erik rushed after it. This time it was into a bathroom. A slightly older Charles, maybe 10 years old, was with the same woman as before. She was passed out on the ground and Charles was trying to wake her. Charles was sobbing and shaking her, begging his mom not to die. Erik stepped out of the bathroom, sobbing and realizing what Charles had been through. 

“I wish I could have saved her.” Erik turned his head, seeing Charles sitting in his wheelchair besides him, looking as he did today. “I would have given everything to take her place.” Charles covered his eyes, clearly distressed at reliving a memory that pained him.

Erik touched Charles’ shoulder, saying, “I’m sure she would be proud of who you’ve become. You’ve saved so many children’s lives and taught them how to help the world with their powers.”

Charles wiped his eyes and said, “Perhaps...it hurts seeing it again. Every time I meet an abused child, I see these memories again.”

Erik suddenly returned back to reality, back to Charles’ bed. Looking up, he noticed the sun was beginning to rise. He then turned back to Charles, who was now awake. Erik wrapped his arms around his ex-colleague and hugged him. He finally understood why Charles was anti-violence.

Erik told him, “You’re strong Charles.” The two stayed together for some time, a mutual understanding of Charles’ experience hung in the air.


End file.
